How to Talk So Kids Will Listen

It’s time to hand in your report on the book you started to read earlier in the semester. In module 6 you chose a book to read to which you would apply your knowledge of child development theories.

For instance, if you read a book about discipline, you would probably have noted that they were using Operant Conditioning. If you were reading a book about how to help a newborn adjust to life outside the womb, you would have probably noticed Erickson’s Trust vs. Mistrust Stage at work.

The key to getting a good grade for your final assignment will be to identify the psychology and theories of child development used in these everyday books. (Please see the rubric below.)

Your paper should be 6 to 8 pages, double spaced (or at least 1,500 words).

Please structure your paper as follows:

Thesis statement: the first paragraph
Summary of the book you read: 1 page maximum
Analysis and comparison to child development theories: the body and bulk of the paper
Concluding paragraph: the last paragraph of your paper
As you can see, this book report will test your knowledge of child development theories and how well you can apply them outside of text books and college.

Be sure to use proper APA Style documentation in this paper. All information must be cited in the body of the text (ideas as well as writing) even if not directly quoting.

Book choice: “How to Talk to Kids So They Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Faber and Mazlish

ANSWER

“How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk”

Introduction 

Parenting is one of the most exciting and fulfilling things yet, at the same time, quite challenging. Depending on one’s parenting ability and style, a child turns out differently. Their relationship can be impacted depending on the approach a parent uses (Darling & Steinberg, 2017). For example, while one parenting approach may result in a child talking and becoming friends with a parent, the other approach may result in a distant relationship. If a parent applies the given techniques, they not only enrich but also improve the relationship they build with the children. The skills apply to children of different ages, and it may include adult-to-adult interactions. The relationship between parents and children is personal, and for most worried parents, there are no right or fixed ways that a parent can communicate with their children. Every relationship between a parent and a child is different, and one way can work for one parent but may not work for another parent.

Summary 

The parenting book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” has existed for approximately more than 30 years. In the parenting book Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, the two experts present a respectful and down-to-earth approach to parenting (Faber & Mazlish, 2012). They use and add additional steps and techniques that, if parents apply, their parenting outcomes are likely to bear great fruits. For instance, the book uses various concepts to elaborate on what parents should do to understand and talk to their children. It argues that it is wrong for a parent to blame their children for their parenting woes. Instead of doing this, parents should make it their responsibility to communicate and listen to their children. When this happens, and there is effective communication between parents and their children, their behavior and relationship can improve, which can further improve the future of the two. These two experts propose and suggest a model that depends on sharing feelings, listening and respecting a child.

Analysis and Comparison of the Theories and the Book

These theories often focus on educating and explaining the various ways children grow and change over the years in their childhood course. The theories focus on different development aspects, which may include but are not limited to cognitive, social and emotional growth. For parents and individuals to understand human development, various child development theories have been created over the years. The theories have played a vital role in explaining the thinking framework of learning and growth. Below are the most common developmental theories;

Psychosexual Development theory 

Sigmund Freud created this theory. As he worked with patients who had mental illnesses, Freud concluded that unconscious desires and children experiences had a lot of impact on their behavior (Isaacs, 2018). He argued that conflicts that arise in developmental stages might have a long life impact on a person’s personality and behavior. He further argues that there are multiple stages in which a child’s development occurs, and in all these stages, a child undergoes conflicts that have various roles to play in the development course. He distinguishes the development stages into five leading stages;

Oral stage- this stage responds to the infancy stage in a child. It is the stage from birth until the child turns one year. This stage is often identified by the oral fixated behaviours presented by a child. It is essential to note that children explore their world using their mouths during this stage, including breastfeeding and bottle feeding.

Anal stage-this is the second stage, and it occurs probably between 1 month and three years. Freud states that pleasure and erogenous zone are derived from a child’s ability to control bowel and bladder movement in this stage.

Phallic stage- this stage ranges from 3 to 6 years. The genitals are the child’s erogenous zones. It is at this stage that children start differentiating between males and females.

Latent stage- this stage of development ranges from 6 years to puberty. The superego continues to develop during this stage, and there is suppression of the id’s energy children at this stage develop social values and skills, and they also develop their relationships with the adults and peers.

Genital stage- this is the last stage, and it ranges from puberty to death. Puberty onset results in libido becoming active once more. Individuals in this stage develop a more vital sexual interest in the opposite sex.

Bandura’s Social Learning Theory

Bandura argues that even though a child’s learning and development may come from direct experiences, they also gain a lot from simple observations and modelling that come from people around them. He further suggests that the modelling done goes beyond behaviors (Bandura, 2014). Therefore, it may include emotional reactions and attitudes in the given scenarios. The theory is different because it considers environmental and cognitive factors in determining the ways children learn to behave and how they behave. The theory emphasizes the importance of modelling. It indicates that most children notice how their parents and any important figure they have to behave, and as a result, they encode the information learned. They may later imitate or copy what they learned from this person. For instance, if a child sees her dad shouting at the neighbor and calling him names, he may likely encode this information and imitate it.

He built this theory on operant conditioning. Operant conditioning focuses on the importance of punishment and reinforcement (Blackman, 2017). These are further divided into positive and negative reinforcement and punishment. Bandura breaks the strict behavior approach, and he states that the environment one interacts with is nothing but one determinant of how one learns and behaves. Therefore, he concluded that a person’s intrinsic motivations and current mental state have more to do with their learning and behaving ability than most states.

Erikson’s Psychosocial Developmental Theory

The last theory this assignment looks into is Erikson’s Psychosocial Developmental Theory. His theory is different from Freud’s because he focuses on the social development of humans and not their sexual development (Maree, 2021). As most people know, this theory developed a framework for organizing human growth. There are three leading stages of development under this theory, and they may include

• Trust vs. Mistrust
• Autonomy vs. Shame
• Initiative vs. Guilt
• Industry vs. Inferiority
• Identity vs. Role Confusion
• Intimacy vs. Isolation
• Generativity vs. Stagnation
• Integrity vs. Despair

All the above mentioned stages correspond differently with a specific human development time. For instance, the Trust vs. Mistrust stage coincides with infancy. Infancy is when babies learn who they should and should not trust and what or not to be trusted (Orenstein & Lewis, 2021). According to Erikson, babies who get the proper care and attention learn to trust others during this time. It concludes that this trust carries over into their future relationships, which allows them to have healthy developments. Contrary to this, caregivers who do not meet the babies’ needs may result in the baby developing feelings of mistrust which may further create suspicion in their future relationships.

The eight-stage also coincides with the lifespan’s final years. Compared to the first stages, where people learn to trust others or not, the final stage reflects on what one has accomplished over the years. If one can look back and feel proud of living a decent and significant life, they often develop integrity feelings. However, if our achievements fail to make us proud and instead bring regret to us, individuals may live their lives feeling unfulfilling, despairing, or bitter.

Most of the developmental theories talk about the relationship between parents and their children and the impacts these relationships have on a child’s behavior or character. Similarly, the book looks into the multiple ways parents can relate and build a great relationship with their children; relationships where children communicate with their parents and at the same time listen. For instance, the book suggests that parents can use alternative punishments to handle and deal with their children’s mistakes. It states that parents often punish their children mainly because they do not want them to misbehave and get out of hand. However, the book argues that punishment often does not result in genuine repentance and regret in some cases. The child may end up creating revenge ways. This argument is similar to Bandura’s social learning theory, a theory that is mainly built on operant conditioning. Operant conditioning, as earlier mentioned, talks about reinforcement and punishment for wrongdoings. The book may be suggesting that parents use punishment alternatives which, according to Bandura, may mean the parents change their tactics to reinforcement instead of punishing a child. Additionally, instead of using negative punishment, a parent may use positive punishment to ensure an accurate reflection and change the behaviour.

The book also encourages parents to promote autonomy. One of the leading parental goals is to nurture independent children who are also responsible and competent enough to survive a world without their parents. The book urges parents to let their children make their choices and always respect their struggles. Parents can achieve this if they give their children room to come to them. When looking at it from this perspective, the argument closely relates to Erikson’s theory and especially the Trust vs. Mistrust stage. This stage encourages parents to help their children build trust in them early. When they do this, they grow up trusting their parents; hence, they come straight to their parents in times of doubt. In case they cannot, children can quickly form stronger relationships in their future through built trust.

Conclusion

There is no significant relationship in life like the relationship between parents and their children. When parents have solid relationships with their children, they can effectively communicate and develop excellent behaviors. At the same time, children with great relationships with their parents build more substantial and long-lasting relationships. The book emphasizes the importance of parents building stronger relationships and how they should nurture independent children. Additionally, through various theories, the arguments relate to the message from the book. For instance, as the book suggests that parents should try alternative punishments; the theory defined by Erikson is built on reinforcement and punishment. Therefore, if punishment does not work and only makes the child rebellious, the parent should try an alternative like reinforcement.

References

Bandura, A. (2014). Social cognitive theory of moral thought and action. In Handbook of moral behavior and development (pp. 69-128). Psychology press.

Blackman, D. (2017). Operant conditioning: an experimental analysis of behaviour. Routledge. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9781315083735/operant-conditioning-derek-blackman

Darling, N., & Steinberg, L. (2017). Parenting style as context: An integrative model. In Interpersonal development (pp. 161-170). Routledge. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781351153683-8/parenting-style-context-integrative-model-nancy-darling-laurence-steinberg

Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (2012). How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk. Simon and Schuster.

Isaacs, S. (2018). The nature and function of phantasy. In Unconscious phantasy (pp. 145-198). Routledge. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780429484469-6/nature-function-phantasy-susan-isaacs

Maree, J. G. (2021). The psychosocial development theory of Erik Erikson: critical overview. Early Child Development and Care, 191(7-8), 1107-1121. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03004430.2020.1845163

Orenstein, G. A., & Lewis, L. (2021). Eriksons stages of psychosocial development. In StatPearls [Internet]. StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556096/

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